Those who instruct others not to express their inner emotions are repressing theirs by self-imposed rules of conduct that they deem appropriate in collective interaction. It’s OK and preferable to interact with ‘rules of engagement’ but when someone insists that another repress their obvious anger the result is the creation of more anger.
Holding back emotions and repressing their expression is tantamount to clogging up the drain and overflowing the sink. People NEED to release aberrant emotions and it is OK to help them deal with them; just don’t get in their way when they are releasing them.
For example, anger isthe aggregate of the feelings of not being treated fairly. It comes from frustration and anxiety (layered emotions) and it bubbles up to the surface quickly and boldly.
Never deal with another’s anger by spouting new age platitudes and namby pamby solutions that ‘appear’ OK to you. You are not helping the situation at this point at all! Give the person experiencing anger the room to vent it and be there when they have completely vented to help them attain peace.
Wanting to help another that is experiencing anger is a good thing. However, interjecting what YOU believe that they should do should come AFTER they have discharged their anger. Attempting to interrupt their experience of anger only fuels the fire ofanger and can be disturbing to you and others.
Give an angry person the space to vent and allow your take on it to be revealed at the appropriate time. This way, the confusion they are experiencing can be discharged naturally and not when you think it should be.
Timing is everything in interpersonal interactions. Be supportive, be kind and be diligent in when you introduce what you perceive as help to another. Stay focused on maintaining peace by allowing the fire to burn down a little instead of dumping gasoline on it. When you truly care about helping someone understand what is making them angry and helping them to develop the skills necessary to discharge it, you will give them the space that they need to discharge it naturally.
Just because you understand something and perhaps have ‘mastered’ it doesn’t mean that another wants to hear what you have to say when expressing anger. See the whole picture before putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Peace and Divine timing! ~Dean A. Banks, D.D. (Spirituality Guidance Channel)